I was a writer for both The Onion and The Onion Sports for over five years, penning headlines and website copy for the legendary satirical news website. Each week, we submitted 20-25 headlines and then the staff would pick their favorites, write the articles and publish. The Onion was a pivotal part of my formative years, and it was a dream working for them. It remains one of my favorite jobs, and I still sometimes can only think in Onion headlines.